To Remember The Important
My aunt passed away July 11th. I am devastated, she and I were so close we could have been sisters or she could have been my mother. I will miss her so much. And however painful it is to think that she is gone and that I can no longer form to memories with her I want to remember the last 15 and 1/2 years of knowing her.
Already her death is starting to tear the family apart. My grandmother ( her mom ) has alzheimers and my aunt was taking care of her and since that is obviously no longer possible the plan was for her to move in with us in an appartment my dad was to build off of our own house. but now his siblings are questioning wether this is a good plan or not, and lets just say the WHOLE family, my parents included, is throwing a temper tantrum. Though the people reading this may not know me, I DO NOT react well when arguments or tension surrounds me. I get all anxious and quite snappy. But bother I am getting off topic.
Reflecting on why adults were acting so childish I realized that having their mother move out of their hometown as well as losing a sister are enormous stressers in life. and that when grieving over death you do not only think about memories you could of had but all of those that you have had. Suddenly the seemingly unimportant moments take on a new meaning, you start to imagine those moments with out the person. All that you know of your life with that person can come crashing down.
I have spent basically every other night since she passed away thinking of her, every little trivial moment, and weeping my eyes out. From the crafts she prepared for me, to blueberry picking, to swimming in the lake with her (gosh she loved to swim), to holding out my arm to support her when she was tired, all the way to those hairclips she gave me as a child and I very stupidly told her I had the exact same ones at home, hahaha she was so disappointed I still feel guilty now when I think of it. Yet I cherish that moment, every single one of them, and I want so badly just to hold on to them and never let them go, for fear that if I do, the last of her will slip between my fingers and she will truly be gone.
Reflecting on why adults were acting so childish I realized that having their mother move out of their hometown as well as losing a sister are enormous stressers in life. and that when grieving over death you do not only think about memories you could of had but all of those that you have had. Suddenly the seemingly unimportant moments take on a new meaning, you start to imagine those moments with out the person. All that you know of your life with that person can come crashing down.
I have spent basically every other night since she passed away thinking of her, every little trivial moment, and weeping my eyes out. From the crafts she prepared for me, to blueberry picking, to swimming in the lake with her (gosh she loved to swim), to holding out my arm to support her when she was tired, all the way to those hairclips she gave me as a child and I very stupidly told her I had the exact same ones at home, hahaha she was so disappointed I still feel guilty now when I think of it. Yet I cherish that moment, every single one of them, and I want so badly just to hold on to them and never let them go, for fear that if I do, the last of her will slip between my fingers and she will truly be gone.
My loving Ma tante tanante tanante
(our affectionate nickname for each other- in french)
I will miss you so ever much, thank you for teaching me to love others
and for teaching me the joy of living and laughing.
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